woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
