how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
