Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
