i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
