i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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