When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
