What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Acid is not a monday night drug
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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