Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my poor anus
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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