Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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