I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
