Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
