I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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