So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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