He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
