I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
