Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
