she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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