I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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