Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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