If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
