just tell him i said nine months
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
