I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
