First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
