I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
