Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
