I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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