Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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