This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize