I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize