wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
40s are totally the cure
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
