Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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