So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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