The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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