hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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