If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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