i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
