he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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