i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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