At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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