Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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