Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
