i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
