Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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