i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
