Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
