well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Is it penis luge time yet?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
