i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
