Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Randomize