me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
