are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
