Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
