I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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