i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
