Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
