Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's blow job season.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
