Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
