the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
