But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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