i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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