Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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