He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That accounts for only three of the penises
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
