Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dignity is for republicans.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
