you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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