im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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