i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
