im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Randomize
