My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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