I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
