This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
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