He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
