Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
