would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
