Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
