I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
