When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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